1. Change what people do, not who they are. Focus on the behavior when asking for change. Avoid personal attacks.
2. Listen before talking, and think before acting. Before you criticize or try to control co-workers’ behavior, make sure you understand what they’re doing and why. Think the situation through and choose your words carefully. Don’t say something you’ll regret.
3. Get to the point. Explain exactly what behavior you object to and tell them what you want them to do about it.
4. Expect the best. Don’t be satisfied with mediocre results.
5. Model the behavior you want to see. For example, don’t laugh at 1 made at someone else’s expense. And, stay calm even when the person you are confronting is agitated or unpleasant.
6. Adapt your approach to the person. Tell a Backstabber firmly that you and others will no longer put up with insincerity. But with a sensitive Complainer, use a softer, but still firm approach.
7. Protect dignity and self-respect. No matter how much trouble co-workers’ behavior is, you have no right to attack them personally
8. Appeal to self-interests. People want to know “What’s in it for me?” Convince them that working with the team and respecting others’ needs will help them, too.
9. When co-workers change problem behavior, tell them how much you appreciate it. Otherwise, the change may not last.
10. Cut your losses with regret, not guilt. When trying to get problem co-workers to change becomes too much, give up knowing you gave it your best shot.